Yesterday, I had one of those stellar, productive days. I sat at my desk by 7:00 am and cranked on my latest round of self-inflicted book edits. I planned to go to a 10 am meeting, but chose instead to hunker down and complete what was in front of me. My manuscript was ready by noon to send to what I think will be my final edit.
When I first started writing my book, I wasn't going to tell anyone. I said to my friend Brandi who is also writing a book, "Yeah, I think I'll just quietly self-publish this thing and not tell a soul. I'll just see if anyone notices."
Brandi looked at me quizzically. Um, no. That's not how we do things.
I know. I'm a marketer by trade. I have years of advertising, marketing, and public relations experience. I know how to get the word out. There are always new tactics brewing in the world, but for the most part, you find your target audience, and you get them the information. Marketing 101. I love marketing. It wasn't the marketing that was bothering me.
It's vulnerability. My memoir, Finding Still Waters: The Art of Conscious Recovery, is my story in early recovery. I write about my childhood, my first marriage and divorce. I write about pain and learning and art making. I bare my soul. So part of me wants to hide out. Why the hell would I want to show anyone? Because I'm called to, from inside my soul.
Vulnerability comes with creating artwork. Whether I create a mixed media work of art, publish a blog post or write a book, I am inviting others to have a conversation, either out loud or psychically. I am asking you to let me take you on a trip somewhere, and here you are, along for the ride. Thank you for joining me.
When we take this trip together, surfing on the wave of my creativity, you're going to judge the shit out of it. It's not your fault; that's what humans do. That's where vulnerability comes in. I have to be okay with putting this out there no matter what you think.
Remember The Gong Show? If you watched TV in the late '70s — you saw the tuxedo-clad host, Chuck Berry, bring out quirky and ridiculous performers. When they were awful, and many times they were, the guest celebrity judges would bang the gong, and the artists were pulled off the stage, humiliated. They were all having a blast, even when rejected. I'll keep that in mind!
At this point, I don't know where we are going. But there will be art, food, sobriety, some higher power stuff, and love. Maybe some sadness, anger and shadow work, too. Because this is life and it's messy. It's not all unicorns and rainbows. Thank God for that. Unicorns and rainbows are a bit irritating.
Let's go for frogs and kombucha.