I really don't want you to judge me unless it's going to be favorable. I can say I don't give a shit what you think but I do. So go easy.
Many people say "be authentic." I need to be true to myself and live my real-life. Be who I am! Yes, this is true, but it's also a trap.
If I've set your expectation of who I am, how do I change? I need for you to hold space for me to change. I need to hold space for you to change.
At one point of my life, I was a wine freak. I drank and drank. I pre-gamed. For those who don't know, that means drinking a glass or two before going to whatever event, party, or reception was in store for the night. I post-gamed. You can figure out what that means. Alcohol was the way I dealt with and enjoyed social situations. If there was no wine at an event, I wasn't there for very long. I was mired in an alcoholic mind.
One day, I got sober. I had reached some super dark places in my soul and couldn't go there anymore. I had surrendered and sought help. I was beginning to change. This was an authentic life experience. It was me being authentic.
Luckily for me, I have some amazing friends and family that hold space for me to change. So my authenticity is supported. But what about people that don't have that?
My friend Mary was trying to get sober. She said to me, "They keep asking me to drink, telling me it's okay to have a couple of beers at a party. But I know if I have one sip I will be off to the races. Why don't they understand that? I can't believe they won't let me change. Ugh."
I feel for Mary. She needs new friends if her old ones can't understand or even undermine her efforts. You know what? She found some. She stopped hanging out at those parties while she's new in sobriety. She started going to sober places and found new sober friends. She had to let go of the old faces and circumstances to grow into her authentic self. It took some time but she stuck with it. Change is hard. Growing takes work.
The trap is to watch out for the trap. First we have to be able to see it. Then, just step over it.